Sexual health – what does it mean for gay men?

Sexual health – what does it mean for gay men?

Does sexual health mean the absence of STIs (sexually transmitted infections)? Or great potency = lots of partners (in the case of heterosexuals, this is usually equated with a large number of children)? 

Sexual health is more than the absence of disease or dysfunction. It encompasses holistic well-being in relation to sexuality – physical, emotional, mental and social. The World Health Organization (WHO) defines sexual health as a state of well-being that includes both the ability to have pleasurable and safe sexual experiences and to deal with sexuality and relationships in a respectful, positive way. For gay men, this means experiencing sexuality as something that brings joy, connection and respect – free from discrimination, violence and fear.

It is crucial not to speak of a universal ‘right’ sexuality. Rather, it is about every gay man experiencing his sexuality in harmony with his own body and emotional needs. Fulfilling one's sexuality can strengthen personal well-being and identity and help to experience self-confidence and aliveness. Experiencing aliveness is very important for one's general sense of health. 

Is sexuality particularly important for gay men?

Sexuality is a fundamental part of our lives and an expression of our identity. For gay men, sexuality plays a particularly central role because sexuality is often connected with discovering and expressing one's own sexual orientation. Sexuality is more than physical arousal – it is a mirror of our emotional and social needs. It is also an area in which we can recognise and live our own values and desires.

Sex, eroticism and tenderness are the core elements of many relationships – including gay partnerships. Relationships often fail when there are problems in the sexual area. If the desire for each other diminishes or communication about sexual needs is lacking, this can put a strain on the relationship. Sexuality is an important part of a partnership that strengthens emotional closeness and trust. It is worth investing in this area.

Sexuality and love

Gay men often ask themselves: ‘Does love arise from sexuality or do we need love to have good sex?’ It is important to understand that love and sexuality are closely linked. While sexuality does not necessarily create love, it can deepen and strengthen it. Often, love grows through the physical and emotional closeness that we experience in a sexual relationship.

Diversity in sexuality

Sexuality is not ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ – it is as diverse as we are ourselves. For gay men, this means that there are no fixed norms for what sexuality should look like. Everyone should be able to discover and live out their own sexuality without being guided by social expectations. What is important is that these experiences are emotionally satisfying and enriching – without anyone being harmed in the process.

Get rid of the idea that sexuality is just about having sex. Fulfilling sexuality often includes other forms of intimacy: cuddling, touching, tender words or sensual moments. Try to make your everyday life as sensual as possible and appreciate the little, tender gestures that often get lost in the shuffle.

Reasons for having sex

There are many reasons why people seek sexuality – whether in a relationship or as a single person. Common reasons for gay men to have sex are:

Feeling desirable and masculine

Reducing stress and relaxing

Experiencing orgasm and pleasure

Deepening a relationship and feeling closeness

Showing love and affection

Enjoying a fulfilled and healthy body

For some, it is also about creating offspring or experiencing community.

For men who follow the Tantric approach, good sex is important on the spiritual path.

It is important to be aware of the reasons that play a role for you personally, but also of the obstacles to your sexuality. Perhaps there are fears or blockages that prevent you from fully enjoying your sex life. By reflecting on these, you can take a first step towards greater satisfaction.

Social role models and expectations of gay men

How is masculinity defined in our society? Especially in the gay community, there are often different ideas about what a ‘real’ gay man should be like. Should you appear ‘masculine’ in a certain way? Or is it okay to express your softness or sensitivity? Many gay men feel torn between the idea of the ‘gay macho’ and their need for tenderness and emotion.

It is important that you find your own way and free yourself from social norms. True masculinity is not only what others expect of you, but also how you see yourself. Your sexual self-confidence often depends on how you feel about yourself as a gay man.

How does a gay man become a confident lover?

Being a good lover is not about conforming to a certain image, but rather discovering your own way of connecting with others in intimacy. This takes practice, communication, and exploring your own needs as well as those of your partner. The more you know about your own body and your partner's needs, the more fulfilling the sexual encounter will be.

Remember that sexuality is not a competition. It is not about achieving certain ‘performance goals’, but rather about enjoying and responding to yourself and each other. Explore the diversity of intimacy and make room for what you and your partner enjoy.

Sex and the pressure of expectations

In today's society, there is often a lot of pressure to perform – even in the gay community. Questions about how often you should have sex, how well you ‘perform’ or whether you have the ‘right’ body can cause a lot of stress.

This pressure is the ‘anti-Eros’ – the enemy of pleasure and enjoyment. Sex should not become a performance, but an intimate, pleasurable experience that you share with a partner.

Say goodbye to the idea that sex is only about performance. Good sexuality means that you relax, enjoy your body and act in harmony with your partner.

Get to know yourself better and rediscover your sensuality

There are many ways to get to know your own body better and to relieve the pressure that is often associated with sexual expectations. One particularly valuable method is learning about Tantra and conscious body awareness. Gaylovespirit.org offers a range of services that can help gay men to rediscover themselves and deepen their sensuality:

The ‘Art of Touch’ weekend courses: These courses offer gay men a safe space to experience their own body and the touch of their partner with mindfulness and presence. In a supportive environment, you can learn to enjoy the moment of touch and experience it without pressure. This helps you to develop your sexuality without performance pressure and expectations.

Massage Practitioner Training: Those who want to get to know themselves better can do so by touching and giving tantric massages. The massage practitioner training at gaylovespirit.org offers you the opportunity to sharpen your senses and create a deeper connection to your body and that of your partner. It is a valuable technique that not only heals your own body but also strengthens your intimate connection with a partner.

- The Eros Lab Training: Another valuable course that helps you release the blocks and stress often associated with sexual expectations. Here you will learn a new approach to sensuality based on mindfulness, empathy and discovering your own body. The training promotes a relaxed, lustful attitude towards sexuality and enables you to rediscover your Eros.

Retreats and Festivals – Places to meet and connect

In addition to the training, gaylovespirit.org also offers retreats and festivals that not only support gay men in their sexual and emotional development, but also serve as places to meet and get to know each other. Here you can meet like-minded people who share similar values and interests. These events not only offer opportunities for personal development, but also the chance to make new friends or find new partners.

In an open and supportive atmosphere, you can meet new people who have had similar experiences and who are ready to engage in deeper, meaningful encounters.

Sexual dysfunction and support

If you are having difficulties with your sexuality – whether it be through inhibitions, stress or fears – there are many ways to find support. In the case of sexual dysfunction, such as erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, it is not usually due to organic causes, but rather to psychological or emotional stress. In such cases, a sex therapist or appropriate training can help to identify the causes and find solutions.